Reply To: Liking or loving oneself.
Thank you Gents.
The underlying emotions behind the suffering i experience are obviously rooted in the past, so what tends to happen , for example when i get a sense of dread and sadness when i imagine my ex with someone new, then CT it, its not long until the very same feeling returns.
I have been trying to locate the beliefs behind the re-spawning of the problem emotions, and actually PN'd many many beliefs, although have not been able to let go of these pains yet.
Each day i wake with a deep sadness, missing my loved ones, and so i go straight to the CT's and accelerators. This helps to clear what is there in that moment, only it returns again , either shortly afterwards or by the next day.
I accept that there are perhaps monolithic core beliefs behind these emotions, and that serious efforts need to be made-efforts im prepared to make.
I believe that the TP will arrive at some point.
On another issue, looking at what helped lead to the breakdown to the relationship, OCD and obsessions about health (after battling through and recovering from severe health issues) became an imposition for my partner. I tend to repeat myself and try to control every aspect of my environment, not so much for myself but for everyone..even if they dont really care as i do.
Another issue that has lead to the breakdown has been an inability to outwardly express love and affection to my partner. Paul's comments highlighted some issues here. My mother was never very tactile with me, it has always been a pat on the back type of thing. old mate down the pub rather than loving hug for her son.
Also i believe that its likely that emotional trauma when young has created a type of armouring around my heart, related to trust/safety issues.
There has been a breakthrough in this relationship lately, with a nice long hug when she saw me upset, so i know that im releasing and vibrating at a slightly higher frequency already
Siege mentality and looking for/expecting the worst are one of the other main issues at hand. This ties into PTSD symptoms (which i believe began when my mother was beaten when i was in the womb, and also at 1 years old when i saw her get badly beaten). This has the effect of not being able to trust, of glass half empty syndrome and excessive worry.
One thing i am sure about is that i have had enough, and that i am completely ready for change.
I greatly appreciate all of the feedback and help from you all.