Reply To: Liking or loving oneself.

Paul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Rojaque,

    You're very welcome and it definitely seems like you already have a handle of this.

    What could be supporting the feelings is that you may still love your ex, even though you may suppress it or rationalise it away. This would be perfectly understandable, by the way.

    You can love someone and not want to be with that person, so I am not saying that neutralising love is necessary per se, but neutralising the longing seems to be the smart play.

    The meaning you give to yout partner meeting someone new, which is an imagined outcome at this stage, can also support the feelings.

    If you asked yourself “what must I believe?” to have this be a problem, that can be an effective way to access the underlying belief.

    What might you believe about yourself, your ex or that relationship to be upset by the imagined outcome?

    Might it be something like “(My belief is that) I'll never be happy” or “(My belief is that) I'm alone in this world”?

    To check whether.these resonate, say each statement out loud. If they seem to generate any uncomfortable feelings, they are most likely beliefs you would hold.

    And you have PN, so you can eliminate these. Running the PN, using the counterexamples and then running PP on the opposite suggestions could prove unbelievably liberating for you.

    Make sure, when doing PN, that you try to get in touch with the pattern. Rather than it being a well-constructed sentence that “sounds like something I might believe”, try to remember times in your life where the belief would have contributed to your pattern. I find that very helpful.

    Your Mother will have done the best she could, but some people are simply uncomfortable with affection…and for a variety of reasons. Did you give any meaning to your mother's behaviour and not being very tactile? What, if anything, did you think it meant about you?

    If anything pops up, use PN.

    This does not go against the previous tips – start with the CTs, but also try to get in touch with these beliefs (or the patterns)…and then eliminate them.


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

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