Reply To: Women, Rejection and Beauty

#25646
Paul McCabePaul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

Hi Truman,

Thanks for your posts. Also thanks to Brian, David and Ed for your advice, feedback and contributions. I hope other people feel empowered to share their perspectives.

One thing I would add is that when you truly feel “enough”, Truman, you won't NEED any external validations. You will see these things (money, dates, acclaim etc.) as bonuses, if anything.

Complete this sentence “What makes me good enough is…”

Fill in everything that comes to mind. Each of these will be a survival strategy belief – something you believe has to happen to “make” you good enough.

It seems to me that you may have a few of these beliefs. Things like “What makes me good enough is having girls be attracted to me” or “…being popular.” You may discover others.

If survival strategies worked as effectively as we believe, the conditions would surely only need to be met once.  For example, you would find out you were attractive and feel good enough forever. However, in truth, they are just a mask for the core belief of “I'm not good enough.”

A common source of that belief tends to be early interactions with your parents – what you mentioned earlier makes sense.

Now, obviously your parents did as well as they could within their “life context”, and they are the reason you are here. That considered, they perhaps acted in ways that led you to believe that you could never measure up, or that you were not inherently good enough.

Think back:

Whenever you didn't do, say or act as your parents wanted, were you criticised, ignored or punished? When you did something they did like (e.g. perhaps getting good school reports or achieving some goals), did they respond differently?

Do you or did you ever feel you have to “be someone” for your parents?

Do you have any resentment about how you feel you have to be?

Start here. Who do you think you have to be for Mum, Dad and around women?

Some of the presuppositions with pickup, social dynamics and the like can, in my opinion, be very tribal, aggressive and hostile towards women – not always, but it is there in certain quarters. If you have beliefs that result in prejudices against a group of people, especially those you wish to attract, I would suggest that this is not the best approach in the long-term. If, for example, you desired food…but thought that food was fundamentally bad for you…it might not be the best experience.

You are right. Your belief is a self-evident truth. You will be able to find countless examples of women interested in leaders, the wealthy or “high status” individuals. You could see this with some men too. You could also find countless examples of women being attracted to men who don't conform to these descriptions.

It is a fact that not ALL people have the same drives, desires and attractions. If everything was “one size fits all”, this forum would not exist and everyone would roam the Earth eating the same food, saying the same lines and thinking the same thoughts. To limit yourself by believing that all women only want certain traits is doing them, men and yourself a disservice. It limits your experience.

CT all fear, resentment, anger and jealousy – even if it does not seem to be related to this pattern. It will “chip away the block.” This will help you more than you can possibly imagine.

Also look at the sort of beliefs that may have been “born” along the way. Read back what you wrote. Do any of these beliefs resonate (say them out loud)?:

“I'm a loser.”

“I don't measure up”

“Women aren't interested in guys like me.”

“I'm not attractive.”

“I am hopeless.”

“I'm inferior.”

“Women can't be trusted.”

If you have any beliefs like these, feel free to BLAST them away.

Please keep us updated.

Paul  :)


Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

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