Reply To: Trying the new PSTEC tools
DominanceSo in taking the feedback from what i've been doing, i'm altering things a little. It seems that doing a belief blaster and pqt once isn't enough. I'll do it and usually a few days later it kicks in briefly.
I did a belief around being comfortable with rejection, and at the gym a few days later I felt more drawn to say some things to girls that I wanted to but wouldn't. I had a strong feeling to do so but fear stopped me, unfortunately it didn't last too long.
I come across what I feel was a major belief around feeling like I wasn't worthy as a man come up, and ALOT of intense emotions connected to it coming up while clicktracking. I decided to use bb/pqt on the combination of beliefs 3 days in a row. It kicked in pretty well for a bit, now i'm not sure but the belief statement still repeats in my head. So i'm thinking it's that there is other beliefs connected to the issue.
Yesterday during alot of intensity during the clicktrack another big belief popped into my head that I was never wanted. Alot of stuff around bullying and being abandoned.
I decided to alter my practice instead of just doing it once, that each belief combination I come up with (as i'm doing the belief blaster and pqt in combination) i'll do for 3 days in a row and see how that goes. That's where i'm at.
But a frustration. Doing the processes i'm feeling that i've come up with some deep, intense stuff, especially the 2 beliefs i've mentioned that come up. And clicktracking alot of intense emotions. But in some ways I feel like i'm becoming worse. I've been going out most weekends which I haven't done for a long time, as a friend has been wnting to. And it's kind of feeling like each week it's harder to talk to girls. Especially tonight, I really was struggling to even be there but I made myself put in an apperance. Lasted barely a half an hour and left.
It really seems like i'm making progress with the strong intensity of what's coming up, and the beliefs I identified that are pretty core ones.. but then in the world i'm not really seeing evidence of the progress. It's kind of disillusioning as in the end i'm not doing this for the sake of going through intense emotions every day, i'm doing it for results and to change positively.
I also noticed an old pattern coming up earlier in the week around that. Usually i'll start a new method and get initial good results and go strong for a while, say a month or two. Then i'll seem to go backwards and feel like nothing has shifted and i'll start telling myself and feeling like it isn't working at all, then i'll give up and just go onto the next method and repeat the same process.
I did have 1 day rest as I did a PEAT session with someone that I thought would be good to have time to process. And I was able to notice my pattern coming up telling me that it isn't working and trying to get me to stop PSTEC.
Interestingly when I then went and did a clicktrack some pretty intense emotions come up again around self sabotage.
Sometimes it feels like a neverending process of facing this intense stuff all the time, and feeling like i'm making progress but not seeing it that much in the outside world. And it mkes me want to just throw everything away and not bother.
I'm interrupting the pattern this time and continuing PSTEC. I'm doing a little bit of other methods to assist, but not in the way of stopping PSTEC completely then just moving to another method for the sake of it like in the past.