Sex and Libido

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  • #21394
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Hi

    I'm new to PSTEC and i've been using it on a two year relationship which my ex girlfriend ended a few months ago with great results.

    However I've always had a problem with sexual anxiety due to a few bad experiences that happened around 10 years ago.

    I used EFT on these experiences with great success but the negative thoughts about my ability to have sex keep surfacing. When I think of the events that created this I don't get much of an emotional reaction.

    My question is this. Do I concentrate on the past events with PSTEC first or concentrate on the negative thought pattern regarding my ability to have sex and the threat of failure?

    I am using basic PSTEC & PSTEC Level 1.

    #22570
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    There are three aspects to consider when doing any kind of change work … Tim refers to them as the Law of Three in How to Achieve Almost Anything – The Easy Way.

    They are emotions, beliefs and behaviors.

    Emotional aspects are handled using the free Basic Click Tracks and also the EEF's.  Beliefs and behaviors are best handled with the PSTEC Positive (PP) tracks.  Both the PP and EEF's are in your PSTEC Level 1 package.

    The most effective use of the PSTEC Tools is to use the CT/EEF tracks in conjunction with the PP tracks.

    Your beliefs come out in your post here…

    “I've always had a problem with sexual anxiety”

    Begin to address this belief by countering with a Positive Statement (PS) that moves you in the direction you desire and using that PS with PP.

    “negative thoughts about my ability to have sex keep surfacing”

    What negative thoughts?  Do the Two-Step and get quiet for a while with those thoughts… see if your sub will lead you to the cause of those negative thoughts.  The cause may be emotional experiences in which case you pull our your CT/EEF tracks and handle them.If the cause (could be both emotional and beliefs) is a belief issue, then put together a PS in accordance with Tim's instructions and pull out your PP.

    “When I think of the events that created this I don't get much of an emotional reaction.”

    Not much?  What I find is that, quite often, people run the CT on an emotional issue once or twice and stop, but do not sit quietly and rate the feeling in between each round of the CT.  If it's a 3-4, that may not seem “like much” compared to a “10,” but it means it's “still there.”  So, run it again until you get it down to 0-1.  If it's stuck at a certain number after a few times, you may not be targeting the CT work properly.  But, if it keeps moving, run the CT again with that issue.

    Your specific question:

    Do I concentrate on the past events with PSTEC first or concentrate on the negative thought pattern regarding my ability to have sex and the threat of failure?

    It is best to handle the emotional issues first so that the emotional intensity is either neutralized completely or significantly down before using the PP with your PS because it's more likely your PS will be accepted by the sub.So, when emotions are low, that is the ideal time to take your “crafted” PS and use PP.In fact, a great strategy with any PSTEC session is to lower or neutralize emotions with CT/EEF and then end the session with a PS that is empowering and run at least one PP track.If you awake and have no emotional issues running, just jump to using the PP with your PS.Sexual issues can be a bit complex and, quite often, include emotional aspects but there are also many belief aspects that we have assimilated in our sub from our cultural, family and religious rules and definitions.These beliefs can be a bit tricky because they do not come with emotional attachment per se, but are “just fact”… that's the way life is, so as it appears you are doing, keep looking at those thoughts that come through and make a conscious decision whether they serve you or not.  If not, begin shifting them by a liberal use of PP.  Have fun with it!

    Aloha!

    Jeff

    PS Oh, one more thing… as you make shifts, select aspects of your life that occur quite often… targets if you will … this way you can gauge and measure your progress.  In other words, while I do not recommend you go out with a new sexual partner each and every day to test this, you can test it in your mind and also test how comfortable you are around other people.

    PPS Ok, one mooooooooooore thing… Consider the use of the PSTEC Accelerators… you can use these tracks for both emotional issues as you would CT/EEF and for belief issues as you would PP.

    #22571
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff

    Thank you for taking the time to advise and help me. I really appreciate it. I will follow your advise and report back soon.

    :)
    NPH

    #22572
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff

    I have used the CTs on the emotional issues over the last week which has reduced my emotional reaction to near 0.  :D  :D  :D

    I then used a PS to override the thoughts (the negative statements I say to myself regarding this issue) of failure to be able to perform.

    I have used the positive click track while looking at my PS twice so far. When I tried this on a situation in my mind I still have doubts and negative statements creeping into my mind regarding wether I will be able to perform.

    My question is this… Do I need to use the positive click tracks more or OR is it too soon to test immediately and I should wait a few days to see it it changes?

    Any help would be much appreciated.

    Ps I did notice negative feelings about my self-worth would surface and I'm feeling lighter  :) but really tired.

    Pps I'm confused to what the EEF'S are. Are these the extra CTs with the PSTEC 1?

    #22573
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Aloha!

    Good job!

    What would “near 0” actually be?

    I ask that because, quite often, someone I am working with will answer my question regarding “0 – 10” with, “It's almost zero.”

    And I ask again, “0 – 10?” (after all, what does “almost” mean?)

    Then, I will get an answer like, “3-4.”

    That's great when you come down from 10 … but, let's go just a little further.

    What we are looking for is getting it down to 0 – 1.

    Alright…

    Once you have the emotions down to 0-1, then crafting a Positive Statement (PS) and using PSTEC Positive (PP) is a great next step.

    This will begin to address the beliefs and behaviors that underpin the issue as well as the emotions that you have already begun to address in the first step and using the Click Tracks (CT).

    So, one of three things will happen when you use PP…

    1. The suggestion to the sub will “land” well and begin to shift the belief system within the mind model.  How do you know?  Be sure to establish a way to measure shifts in the physical, such as: doing things more smoothly, doing things you rarely did before, enjoying an aspect of life that previously you struggled with, etc.

      Another way is that the PS will BE Perfect for you and you will KNOW it without a doubt.

      Repeat the use of your PS if you KNOW it is Perfect over as many days as you wish… repetition can very key with many PP work.

    2. The sub will object and present emotional reasons.

      You have obviously encountered this and, by the way, this is ALL good because you are discovering issues that are “hidden” so knowing these emotional and belief issues is a great discovery!!!  Again, good job on being aware… being conscious… and knowing that they surfaced!

      What do you do?  Take the emotions back to your CT work… clear more… then when clear… remember 0 -1 !!! … then come back to your PP work.

    3. Sub will just ignore your suggestion without any emotional response… perhaps because a belief is strongly anchored.  How do you know?  Well, same as in #1 above but you just are not sure about your PS or things are not happening in life… they are not manifesting.

      What do you do?  Go back and “re-craft” your PS into something that would be more “acceptable” by the sub.  As Tim mentions in “How to Achieve Almost Anything – The Easy Way”; use the “Basic Steps to Change Beliefs” he mentions in Chapter 2.  Then try the new PS with PP and see what your sub response is this time.

    4. [/list]
      You could keep doing the PS and PP repetitively and PERHAPS overcome the old belief system, but that requires force of will, heightened persistence and ALOT of patience.

      Why not be kind to yourself… be kind to your sub?

      Use a gentle approach and make some shifts and changes gently if it's too hard for the sub to accept your proposed changes?

      Now, I don't mean make them slow because if you are slow in doing it, the sub can adjust to your changes and “work around them.”

      In other words, you can progress with your various PS leading up to your ultimate PS over just a few PSTEC sessions over a few days if you are diligent… just don't spread it out over too long a period.

      Make sense?

      Oh, EEF's (enhanced effectiveness) are enhanced CT's.  They are longer and “stronger” so that you have a tool for particularly tough emotional issues.

      BUT, that does not replace proper targeting of the EEF or CT.  In other words, if you are not making progress, doing it tougher or harder will not help most times, so be sure you are targeting the proper issue.

      Aloha nui loa!

      Jeff

    #22574
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Thanks Jeff.  :D

    I feel positive that PSTEC will shift this. I can feel the changes. I will report back next week. :D

    #22575
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    You're always welcome!

    Aloha!

    Jeff

    #22576
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff

    Even though I have cleared the negative feelings in relation to sexual events that shaped my inability to perform successfully or positively my libido has still not improved. My Ability to perform has improved :) :) :)

    I sat quietly in an attempt to locate other causes and I'm a little lost because what keeps coming up is a fear & sadness of being alone and rejection even though I cannot imagine an event that caused this. 3 months ago I experienced an end to a 2 year relationship. I didn't see it coming. I used PSTEC to help me get past the break-up bringing the emotions down to 1-0. Working on the sexual issues seems to have stirred up this fear&rejection.

    When I think of these feelings of loneliness & rejection, even when I write the words down I burst into tears. It is a powerful emotion almost at times taking my breath away. I've been waking up these past few weeks with a feeling of fear and dread.

    How do I locate what event/events are causing this as its been several days and I still have no idea.

    Again your help is much appreciated Jeff

    Ps Its hard for me to put into words

    #22577
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Well, NPH, for someone that has a hard time putting things into words, you've done a wonderful job.

    • A little clarification on definitions here will help…
      You said, “…libido has still not improved. My Ability to perform has improved.”

      What is the difference to you between the those two aspects… “libido” and “ability to perform?'

    • Begin with the feeling… as you said, “fear & sadness of being alone and rejection”… that appears to be 3 different feelings, so one way to begin allowing communication on them is to split them up.  Take one at a time and just focus on that ONE and let the ideas, memories and imagined events come forth.  Once they do, then take each one, with the appropriate feeling ,and use the CT.
    • “sexual issues seems to have stirred up this fear&rejection”… so, again, take one emotion at a time and pair it up with a “sexual thought”… see what comes up specifically.  If nothing, no memories, just take an imagined sexual encounter that brings with it the feeling and use the CT on that.  Do it for both emotions and, as always, be aware of anything that comes up.
    • “loneliness & rejection… I burst into tears… almost at times taking my breath away… feeling of fear and dread”... Sometimes when you just cannot come up with a memory, then you can a couple things:

      1. Mix the Accelerator Tapping Tracks (ATT) with the CT's about once in every 3-4 times running the CT and just run them with the emotions… don't worry if there are no memories, just run them with the emotions.  But, a little more consistent use of the Accelerators will help your recall; that is their purpose, to help your communication from the sub become more clear.  Also, if the recall becomes a bit overwhelming, use of the Accelerator Relaxation Tracks can help “calm” that down.

      2. Use these three PS exactly as they are and run them using PP before you get started in using the CT/EEF/ATT on your emotional issues… use these EACH TIME you are going to do a CT session… follow the PP instructions with each statement separately…

      Note: If you do not have PP, then at least repeat these a few times before running the click tracks.

      1) “When I listen to the click tracks I follow the instructions because they are important”
      2) “I want to recall memories and emotions concerning ______________ so the click tracks will be able to quickly help me.”
      3) “I want to gently release my emotions to enjoy my life and to do so completely”

      Again, repeating these a few times before doing anything else may well pay dividends. Of course a genuine intention and desire to do this so as to be happy is important.

      These are very carefully worded and so should be used verbatim.

    • [/list]So, it's NOT about “locating” any memories, NPH, because you know where they are… in the sub, right?

      This is about the sub sharing them openly with you, but, you see, for many years, you were not listening to the sub's communication (non of us have done much of that), so it's time to trust yourself and listen so that the info will be shared with you consciously … regularly… eventually constantly…  so that you can complete your intention of being free!  It takes some practice to develop these new habits too.

      Don't get quiet and listen with the expectation that says, “OK… well? … where's the info?… what's up?  … Come on!!!! I have waited long enough!!!” />:(” title=”>:(” class=”bbcode_smiley” /> </p><p>Go with the intention of Unconditional Love for that part of your mind, saying, in effect, <i>“I am listening… feel free to communicate when you are ready… anytime… anyplace… I am here for you.”</i> <img loading=

      Bring Love (unconditional) and Honor to the sub… all the while with Kindness.

      Aloha nui loa!

      Jeff

    #22578
    Avatarshane corr
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff

    The best way I can describe the difference is this.

    I have a car that doesn't perform well so I have no desire to drive it.
    So I remove anything that may have been hindering its performance. I know that the car has been improved but I still have no desire to drive it.  ???

    Thats the best way I can describe it  :-[

    I have all the PSTEC tracks so I will get started on your advice asap.

    Jeff is the emotional reaction to the words fear & sadness and especially rejection the sub trying to tell me something?

    Jeff thanks again you've been so kind :)

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