Newbie User Hitting Plateau.
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SeratoBeatsThere's always a reason for perfectionism.
It's to avoid failure because deep down you may believe you are not good enough or a failure.
So instead of just targeting perfectionism ask yourself why you might be a perfectionist.
Ill tell you right now that the belief behind perfectionism usually always comes from the belief that you are not good enough. You react in a negative way when making mistakes because you might have the belief that you are ultimately a bad person hence not good enough. This alone can trigger the emotions again even though you already targeted your area in perfectionism.
So go beyond targeting mistakes and perfectionism and look at other aspects such as.. I can't tolerate failure or making mistakes because I can't tolerate others not accepting me. See of you can eliminate the I'm not good enough belief or I am a failure belief and many other beliefs will crumble… These are the cores that keep perfectionism in place.
SargeMaximusDid you even read my post:
Anyhow I CT on my feelings of inadequacy, need to be perfect, and the aversion to people pointing out my mistakes.
My PSTEC method is to find the “why's” behind everything because, as you pointed out, there is always a reason.
The issue I'm having is that my reactions are getting worse, and the external results are escalating and I'm wondering why since I AM targeting the reasons, NOT the perfectionism.
SeratoBeatsFrom the sounds of things you seem to hold a lot of anger and frustration.
Instead of getting frustrated why not find out WHY you are frustrated and CT that?
Being frustrated is an emotion. Why not CT that and memories in the past of things not working, you not getting the things you want?
I haven't found myself getting frustrated not even once since I CTd my frustrations away. You're focusing too much on why why why instead of just listening. I'm not trying to sound smart or imply anything negative toward you, but I've been down your road, asking why and trying to figure things out.. Don't. The more patient and nicer you are to yourself the more you will progress.
If you abuse your mind by putting pressure on it, always demanding answers, getting frustrated or impatient you're only sending the message that you are unhappy with yourself and your sub will work against you
You may reply to me again and think I am not understanding what you're saying, but I do. The only reality is in your own head. The way you respond to others is how you truly feel about your self. Just throwing that out there.
I'm just throwing advice from a person doing this for nearly 2 months steady now with outstanding results and self kindness. Take it or leave it man, hope nothing but the best
Good luck
SargeMaximusLol, I've been doing this for more than 2 months my friend.
Frustrations I have, anger I have, yet what REALLY rattles my cage, is when I've made HUGE progress (which I have) and one little thing can derail it all. Unacceptable.
The why's are needed for targeting and like you said, even finding out WHY I'm frustrated is a good idea.
It's all in the why's, hence my anality about it.
More than emotional stability, however, is achieving my goals. I would rather achieve my goals and be an emotional basket case than be the happiest person on earth with nothing to show for it. I did that for years: no joy. All it is, is you TELLING yourself you're happy by ignoring the things you need to face, and I refuse to ignore the things I need to face to move me forward. And sure, it's rough, and yes, it brings up frustrations and anger, so what? The point of my journey is to go where I want to, not sit by the side of the road and give up on life.
In the last 2 years I have gone from a social anxiety basket case to someone who can, usually, approach anyone (male or female) anywhere and strike up a conversation. I have, in the last 5 months, cut my debt IN HALF ($8,000 wiped clean!).
I doubt very much any of that would have been possible if I valued my own happiness and contentment over growth. You know why? Because to get out of debt, i've had to FACE my own shortcomings and OWN UP TO THEM (not comfortable AT ALL), to approach people (beautiful women especially) I've had to overcome terror you can't imagine (I've literally thought I was going to be stabbed to death on many occasions). But I did it, and this was all before PSTEC.
Now, however, I have this wonderful tool. It's making my strides longer. What I have done in the last few months puts those two years to shame.
All I want is to make sure I'm using it correctly, and to my best and fullest advantage.
And that is MY why.
SeratoBeatsFrustrations I have, anger I have, yet what REALLY rattles my cage, is when I've made HUGE progress (which I have) and one little thing can derail it all. Unacceptable.
More than emotional stability, however, is achieving my goals. I would rather achieve my goals and be an emotional basket case than be the happiest person on earth with nothing to show for it. I did that for years: no joy
These are 2 sentences that are the sign of a true perfectionist lol.
“I've made huge progress, and one little thing that can derail it all “UNNACCEPTABLE”
“I would rather achieve my goals and be an emotional basket case than be the happiest person on earth with nothing to show for it. I did that for years: no joy”
Now let me ask you a question. The things you just said to me right there, do you believe that this is realistic? Why would you rather be able to achieve your goals and be a basket case than be happy and nothing to show for it?
Think about it. How could you be happy if you had nothing to show for it?
The reality in life is to be happy even if you don't meet your standards. Society tells us we have to be successful in life to happy, what is success to you? It's different to everyone. I don't know if you see the problem In just your response alone or if you catch the problem with it, but if you don't, it's the reason you aren't moving forward.
Remember that the most successful people in life never find happiness. Yet the people who struggle the most with money end up finding happiness in love for themselves and the people around them.
It's great to be successful, but happiness dosnt always come from success, it comes from loving yourself no matter how much of a failure you may be. Figure yourself and lo d yourself, you'll find you'll care less when things don't go your way.
2 months I've been doing this. I was the biggest black and white and perfectionist person you'll meet lol, and I've been able to overcome most of the problems you're experiencing by first accepting I'm not perfect, I love myself even if I fail or deep down feel like a failure. It's the reason I haven't yet applied to the police force. I'm building up my self so that it makes being able to fail that much easier on me. I kinda do hope I fail because its the only thing in life that we all must go through. And if you're upset that things aren't working for you and one simple thing can derail you then you simply need to look into something so basic as love for yourself and self forgiveness. This is where I started and then targeted my perfectionism. Try purchasing a perfectionist help book that explains more in detail about it.
Remember the only reality is the one in your head. “Unacceptable” as you stated to me is a word of evilness and should never have been a word placed in the dictionary.
SargeMaximusNow let me ask you a question. The things you just said to me right there, do you believe that this is realistic? Why would you rather be able to achieve your goals and be a basket case than be happy and nothing to show for it?
Think about it. How could you be happy if you had nothing to show for it?
I don't have to think about it, the life I'm living now is a direct result of dwelling on happiness rather than personal growth. And i can tell you, all I have to show for it is my anger and frustration.
The reality in life is to be happy even if you don't meet your standards. Society tells us we have to be successful in life to happy, what is success to you? It's different to everyone. I don't know if you see the problem In just your response alone or if you catch the problem with it, but if you don't, it's the reason you aren't moving forward.
I disagree. I believe i am, for the first time in my life, moving forward. Largely because I've dumped the happiness illusion and gone for success. I know it takes time, I'm not disputing that at all.
Remember that the most successful people in life never find happiness. Yet the people who struggle the most with money end up finding happiness in love for themselves and the people around them.
Yup, had that already, I want to try the other path now, thanks.
It's great to be successful, but happiness dosnt always come from success, it comes from loving yourself no matter how much of a failure you may be. Figure yourself and lo d yourself, you'll find you'll care less when things don't go your way.
It's not about random things I cannot control, it's about practicing my own zen, something I don't expect you to understand. The very fact that you are trying to “help” in areas that would require a few hours of deep discussion tells me you're not very attuned to how deep people can be. Months ago (in my “happy” days) I would have been insulted and gotten angry in an attempt to maintain my happiness. i now realize that people like you are very common. lol
2 months I've been doing this. I was the biggest black and white and perfectionist person you'll meet lol, and I've been able to overcome most of the problems you're experiencing by first accepting I'm not perfect, I love myself even if I fail or deep down feel like a failure. It's the reason I haven't yet applied to the police force. I'm building up my self so that it makes being able to fail that much easier on me. I kinda do hope I fail because its the only thing in life that we all must go through. And if you're upset that things aren't working for you and one simple thing can derail you then you simply need to look into something so basic as love for yourself and self forgiveness. This is where I started and then targeted my perfectionism. Try purchasing a perfectionist help book that explains more in detail about it.
I'm actually doing a course called “Personal Mythology” ever heard of it?
Remember the only reality is the one in your head. “Unacceptable” as you stated to me is a word of evilness and should never have been a word placed in the dictionary.
You can hold that opinion for yourself, but when it comes to MY life, unacceptable is acceptable.
Adieu.
Now, does anyone want to help me with my original issue:
– Why does the CT not hold? Is it simply not targeting things specifically enough, not going deep enough, not hitting a wide enough area of experiences? What?
I appreciate any help.
SeratoBeatsUnacceptable in YOUR life is acceptable, yet you just formerly stated at the beginning of your post ” THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE”
Hm..
Good luck
SargeMaximusUnacceptable in YOUR life is acceptable, yet you just formerly stated at the beginning of your post ” THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE”
Hm..
Good luck
Lol, I understand where you are. Let me simply respond with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnpwajZdwyo
Now take up your bed, and walk.
SeratoBeatsI feel sorry for you
Ill be waiting on the other side of the path I'm already heading down. Path of freedom happiness and success.
You can sit here and keep trying to figure things out, judging others, asking why instead of accepting. The greatest gift in life is the ability to tolerate uncertainty, living in the unknown and moving forward whether you fail or succeed. I've already accepted this, now I'm slowly doing instead of thinking.
You sit here and ask why your CTs don't hold, being here for months, and then try to tell me where I am and what kind of person I am? Lol
This will be my last reply to you. Ignorance is bliss.
SargeMaximusThis will be my last reply to you. Ignorance is bliss.
/ That's exactly what I used to think. Anyhow, have fun with that.
Now, once again, does anyone have any input that can shed light on how to get a PSTECing session to hold?
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